Almost Famous Beach Club


When I got there it looked really good. They’ve made the place look real pretty with bright coloured huts, wooden benches and even some nice cushions on the stone steps. Almost Famous have definitely made the most of their temporary home in front of the Great Northern since they had the little fire incident and their roof burnt off.

Most people know that I’m not exactly Almost Famous’ biggest fan thanks to their sexism; Bitch Juice to drink and Slut Sauce on my chips? No thanks. Then there’s the good old fashioned contempt for vegetarians. I mean come on guys grow up, there’s loads of us nowadays throw us a falafel or something! Since I never went in the building and you can’t find the menu online I don’t know the specifics of their veggie offering; apparently was a lone burger but it was off menu and you had to know the name to get it. That could just be a myth so I’m sorry if I’m wrong but rumours and gossip are fun, so moan about me on the internet already.

The camera just isn’t her mate.

I did say I’d never go to Almost Famous since objectifying women and sexualising meat are pretty big no-no’s in my books, but I guess I sort of half have now. Recently the strange sexually aggressive vibe that spills over onto their Twitter seems to have calmed down a lot so I’m finding less reasons to find them annoying. Why am I even trying to justify this? Since they seem less prick-ish now and they have a veggie option painted on the side of there hut for all of Mancunia to see; we’re not their dirty little secret anymore!

So what have they got for us? Is it cool? Is exciting? No it’s a mushroom, again. What is it with people and these mushroom “burgers”? Obviously they’ve topped it with halloumi because that’s what everyone does. I’d like to snipe a little more about how unimaginative it is for another burger place to resort to halloumi but I won’t because man I do love that cheese! Putting halloumi on most things improves them in my opinion so I didn’t overly mind being shafted with this familiar option.

So since it was sunny and they had a decent sounding veggie option I decided to hot foot it over during my lunch hour. I had it all planned out I’d have to spend 20 minutes traveling to and from the Beach Hut leaving 40 mins to order and enjoy my food. Since it was a outside deal  with no table service I assumed this would be a line up, pay your money and then wait 10 minutes max for your burger. I really wish that had happened but instead I spent 30 minutes waiting for my food. Incase you can’t be bothered working out how long that gave me to eat my food I’ll spell it out, I had 0 minutes to savour my lunch.

Of course when I turned up the the Beach Hut I didn’t know how long I’d have to wait so I was pretty excited to finally test out Almost Famous. There were only 3 people infront of me in the queue so everything was looking good and I assumed I’d be handing over my money in the next 5 minutes. Yeah it I shouldn’t have assumed that, I had to wait 10 mins in the queue. This really didn’t make sense since all the lady in the box was doing was writing down orders and taking the money.

When it was finally my turn I placed my order half expecting to receive snidey look along with my change but thankfully the girl who served me was lovely. She treated me like a normal human being not the stupid dirty veggie I assumed I was. Unfortunately she did upset me in the end since she had to bear the news that they’d ran out of halloumi.

“I’m really sorry but we’ve ran out of halloumi, is feta alright?” she said.

‘scuse fingers.

“Yeah that’s fine” I said, but it was NOT FINE! Halloumi was the main reason I’d fast walked all the way from the Gay Village so saying I was gutted would be putting it lightly.

So after that kick in the tits I sat there waiting for my £6.50 “Portobella Mushroom Halloumi Feta slaw sundried tomato alioli chipotle ketchup burger”. Even without the aid of a better cheese or a comma that still sounded pretty good to me. But no Almost Famous had to change the plan once again. After I’d started to switch my excitement onto the amazing sounding condiments they took most of them away as well! No ‘slaw, no sundried tomato and basically no chipotle ketchup (see if you can spot the dribble).

After my 30 minute wait I was pretty anxious I’d be late back to work but it’s a burger so I though, no big it’s hand held food, I can walk and eat. After my first bite that dream was kicked into touch as a my ‘shroom started leaking that gross grey water you get some times. It would have been nice if they spent some of the 30 mins they used to make this burger to de-gill it so I didn’t have to drip nasty juice down my office threads. 

I really don’t want to judge them on what they served me since they really didn’t have there A game on that day. Thinking about it now I really shouldn’t go back but to be honest, I want to give them a full shot at winning me round. This burger was ok, everything was really fresh and the alioli had a vague mustardy taste to it that really saved the day. I could possibly stretch describing the burger as quite tasty since the bun was dam good and toasted just how I like it. But really, after all that messing me about and not one acknowledgement of this I can’t bring my self to say it was anything other than alright. I’d eat it again but only (and this is a very important only) if I get what I order and pay for!

As you can imagine I didn’t really enjoy the experience, but you know what it’s fine I forgive them. They don’t like vegetables – I didn’t when I was a kid either.

Mmmmhhh grey mushroom water.
Mmmmhhh grey mushroom water.


So what do you think?

%d bloggers like this: