Smokey Burnt Beans


Welcome to my hangover, it’s stodgy, carb-y and a little bit spicy. I can be a right soft arse when it comes to hangovers, I’d blame my mum but she is so much worse than me it would seem a little cruel. If I’ve managed to stand up without being reunited with last nights suspect booze choices I’ll be starving but in no mood for lengthy stand up cooking. “Why don’t you just eat a bacon butty? They’re the best! You definitely don’t need to stand up too long to make them.” Just shut up before you even start trying to tell me that, I’m ill and really can’t be doing with you.

I’ve been relaying this veggie “breakfast” (aka whatever time I wake up) option few years new so I think I’ve pretty much perfected it by now. My incessant drinking is just commitment to me nailing hungover breakfast cuisine. This one uses chipolte hot sauce which I’ve raved about before but that’s probably the only non standard store cupboard ingredient, so there’s no messing around with weird stuff when you’re dizzy.

This isn’t just junk either you’ve got veggies (beans, onion, garlic and peppers if you fancy some) and feel good chilli endorphins and some carbs for slow releasing energy. If you have this with a couple of beer, a swift voddy and a couple cigs you should have cracked the hang over. Just kidding don’t have it with those things unless you really need to, and if you do you should probably be introducing your self to a self help group right now not reading my blog.


This is my bare bones version of Smokey Burnt Beans on toast. Usually I’ll melt some cheese over, maybe add a poached egg, or if I’m feeling weirdly ok I’ll take the time to cook off a sliced veggie sausage and mix that in. Below I’ve put the basic recipe but basically do with it whatever you’re tired little binge drinking heart desires.

The sauce/ seasoning quantities given below are to be used as a starting point. Use these measurements first, taste and then add more of whatever you tongue (or hangover) is craving.

Smokey Burnt Beans
Serves: 1
The amounts give below are just estimates and can be changed to suite your tastes. So taste it as you go along!
  • 1 tsp olive oil
  • ½ medium red onion, finely sliced
  • 1 garlic clove, crushed
  • 200-300g baked beans
  • 1tsp dark soy sauce
  • ⅛ tsp marmite
  • tabasco chipotle hot sauce
  • smoked paprika, to taste
  • black pepper, to taste
  • hot buttered toast, to serve
  1. Gently fry off the onion and garlic in the oil until very soft and caramelised.
  2. Add the baked beans to the pan and turn up the heat. Add in the soy sauce and marmite with a few dashes of tabasco.
  3. Cook the mixture until the beans have started to break down to your desired consistency. Stir and scrape the edges of the pan to make sure you get the tasty burt bits into the mixture.
  4. Taste the dish and add the smoked paprika and black pepper as is needed.
  5. Remove the pan from the heat and serve the beans on top of the hot buttered toast.

So what do you think?

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